Managing Uncertainty
Life is full of the uncertain and you would think that we would have created courses in schools or lesson plans on how people can cope with not knowing what’s going to happen next but, a las, education remains archaic and unevolved. If you are a like me in even the smallest way, I would imagine that having a general plan for your life matters to you. Much of the literature I have read on managing the unknown is through the lens of entrepreneurship and business but, what happens when you feel like you can’t handle the unknown in your everyday life?
In 2015, I suffered a tremendous loss. One that I totally didn’t see coming and was thrusted into the deepest depression I have ever experienced in my life (so far). It was at that point, and throughout my formative graduate schools years leading up to this loss, that I realized I did not have the skills to handle life. Skills being the operative word. Even with many years of schooling, I would still have catostrophic emotional meltdowns over a flat tire, running a few minutes late, or not knowing what I wanted to eat for dinner.
I know that probably sounds ridiculous to you but, I realized that I had only ever known one skill for avoiding life’s mishaps and that was to strive for perfection. I don’t know about you but, did your parents ever drill it into your head to be overly prepared for absolutely everything? So much so that you grew to feel like making mistakes was not an option? Mine did.
And while it was well meaning, like many things are, it was also psychologically damaging. I felt crippled by the smallest decisions and when something did go wrong, I would come down on myself harder than my parents or anyone ever could. As a person of color, it can sometimes feel like mistakes aren’t a luxury that you have. With limited opportunities for people who look like you, you can sometimes feel like every decision is one wrong choice away from destroying the rest of your life. After suffering the great loss of 2015, and leaving my career in 2018, I realized that if I couldn’t predict those events, I couldn’t predict anything else and no longer needed to live in fear of what might happen next.
Through those painful experience, I was able to identify at least 3 ways to cope with the uncertainty of life that I want you to have:
Understand that it is your human RIGHT to f**k up- never let anyone scare into thinking that making mistakes is not an option for you. Unless that person can hand you a mastered rule book of life that is one size fit all, their opinion of your choices is irrelevant.
Remember the Time- do you ever experience convenient amnesia when dealing with a current issue? Remember that things have gone wrong before and even if the current issue isn’t the same as the last, the one constant is that you survived it.
Productively Overthink- as a chronic over thinker, I am not going to generically tell you to stop doing that. You obviously know that it would be healthier if you could quiet your brain but, it is not that simple. My suggestion is to over think productively. Play out every possible scenario in your mind, even write it down if that helps you take a better look at it. Imagine how you would react in multiple different scenarios so that you can feel more prepared for any outcome.
Don’t forget, this is more than a skill, it’s a muscle. It’s your emotional muscle and it’s up to you work it out. For more on coping with uncertainty, check out this Forbes article below:
